Thursday, February 3, 2011
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Eraser Phrases
I have been thinking of “eraser phrases.” You know, the things we say when we need to undo something we have said or done. We all know them and even use them. As a service to my loyal readers (and all the rest of you, too) here is “Jerry Godsey’s Handy Dandy Eraser Phrase Guide:”
* “Bless his heart.” You can say anything you want about someone as long as you begin the sentence by saying it. Like this, “Bless his heart, he’s dumber than a stump.” See, without the eraser phrase that’s downright mean, but with the eraser phrase it is somehow nicer.
*”With all due respect.” This eraser phrase allows us to take a swipe at someone who outranks us. “With all due respect, sir, that’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.” A lot of people who have been fired used this phrase. It doesn’t always work, evidently…
* “I don’t mean that in a bad way.” I got this one from comedian Dom Irrera . He calls it the Italian eraser phrase. Here’s how Dom uses it. “That guy is a lowlife scummy little fat rat weasel… I don’t mean that in a bad way.” See, the eraser phrase makes it okay.
*”…but I’m not a bigot.” Often used by bigots to hide the fact that they are indeed bigots. “I can’t stomach dealing with Slobovians, but I’m not a bigot.” Yeah, tell that to the Slobovians…
* “God bless him.” This is one of the Christian eraser phrases. It’s used like this, “He’s just not a nice person, God bless him.” It doesn’t have the panache of some of the other ones, but it does feel religious, so people use it.
*”I’m only telling you this so you can pray about it…” Ahhh, the most often used Christian eraser phrase. Somehow we think that we can gossip all we want if we use this phrase. “Well, you know he’s committing adultery and his kids are a mess. But I’m only telling you this so you can pray for him.” Truth be told, all a Christian needs to hear is, “He’s having some problems…” and they will get to praying. Anything beyond that is gossip masquerading as a prayer request.
And finally, God has an eraser phrase of his own. I doubt he is real pleased with any of the other ones, but this eraser phrase is close to his heart.
“You are forgiven.” There it is. The ultimate eraser phrase. When God says this, all of your past sins are gone, not to be brought up ever again. The difference between God’s eraser phrase and all the others is that God’s phrase really works. It truly does erase everything that came before it. In fact, it’s already done. God has already forgiven us, all we have to do is accept it. How sad that so many people will walk around with their hearts torn up and burdened, hanging their heads and wondering if their life is really all it is supposed to be. They act happy on the outside, yet inside they know something is missing. They need to apply God’s eraser phrase.
So how do you apply the phrase? A simple prayer that says, “God, I accept your forgiveness. Please make my life yours…” BANG! The eraser phrase gets applied and you are on the road to a better life. It really is that easy. Drop me a line at jerry@remnantchurchonline.com if you have questions about what’s next. You’re going to love your new life!
Applying God’s eraser phrase to myself… Jerry
* “Bless his heart.” You can say anything you want about someone as long as you begin the sentence by saying it. Like this, “Bless his heart, he’s dumber than a stump.” See, without the eraser phrase that’s downright mean, but with the eraser phrase it is somehow nicer.
*”With all due respect.” This eraser phrase allows us to take a swipe at someone who outranks us. “With all due respect, sir, that’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.” A lot of people who have been fired used this phrase. It doesn’t always work, evidently…
* “I don’t mean that in a bad way.” I got this one from comedian Dom Irrera . He calls it the Italian eraser phrase. Here’s how Dom uses it. “That guy is a lowlife scummy little fat rat weasel… I don’t mean that in a bad way.” See, the eraser phrase makes it okay.
*”…but I’m not a bigot.” Often used by bigots to hide the fact that they are indeed bigots. “I can’t stomach dealing with Slobovians, but I’m not a bigot.” Yeah, tell that to the Slobovians…
* “God bless him.” This is one of the Christian eraser phrases. It’s used like this, “He’s just not a nice person, God bless him.” It doesn’t have the panache of some of the other ones, but it does feel religious, so people use it.
*”I’m only telling you this so you can pray about it…” Ahhh, the most often used Christian eraser phrase. Somehow we think that we can gossip all we want if we use this phrase. “Well, you know he’s committing adultery and his kids are a mess. But I’m only telling you this so you can pray for him.” Truth be told, all a Christian needs to hear is, “He’s having some problems…” and they will get to praying. Anything beyond that is gossip masquerading as a prayer request.
And finally, God has an eraser phrase of his own. I doubt he is real pleased with any of the other ones, but this eraser phrase is close to his heart.
“You are forgiven.” There it is. The ultimate eraser phrase. When God says this, all of your past sins are gone, not to be brought up ever again. The difference between God’s eraser phrase and all the others is that God’s phrase really works. It truly does erase everything that came before it. In fact, it’s already done. God has already forgiven us, all we have to do is accept it. How sad that so many people will walk around with their hearts torn up and burdened, hanging their heads and wondering if their life is really all it is supposed to be. They act happy on the outside, yet inside they know something is missing. They need to apply God’s eraser phrase.
So how do you apply the phrase? A simple prayer that says, “God, I accept your forgiveness. Please make my life yours…” BANG! The eraser phrase gets applied and you are on the road to a better life. It really is that easy. Drop me a line at jerry@remnantchurchonline.com if you have questions about what’s next. You’re going to love your new life!
Applying God’s eraser phrase to myself… Jerry
Steve And His Underwear
My friend Steve showed up at Remnant Sunday and said he was in such a rush to get to church that he had to glance down and make sure his underwear wasn’t on the outside of his pants. Thankfully, that was not the case and we could continue our conversation without the awkward embarrassment that only a grown man with underwear over jeans can bring. My kids used to wear their underwear over their sweats, but they also had a towel pinned around their neck and made superhero noises. I checked Steve’s neck, no towel, so he wasn’t channeling his inner Superman.
And why does Superman wear his undies outside of his tights? Maybe that was the style on Krypton. Somebody needed to clue him in that we don’t do things like that here. You ain’t in Krytpon no more… But I digress.
Steve’s potential underwear crisis had a point. He said that you could have everything together, but still in the wrong place. And he was right. Underwear under your clothes, good. Underwear outside your clothes; bad. Unless you are Madonna or Britney Spears, and that puts you in a different bad category all your own.
I started thinking about how many people do the right thing on the outside, but are wrong on the inside. They go to church, but it is merely to make an appearance. They know they should, so they do, but they don’t apply themselves to get anything out of it. And don’t use the excuse that the pastor or priest is boring. If you are bored every Sunday, first check your heart, then check the preacher. You may need an attitude check or your pastor may be boring, and not really able to meet your spiritual needs. If that is the case, find a place that will minister to you, and where you can minister. Church is a two way street. You go to church to have your spiritual needs met, but one of the ways you meet your spiritual needs is by ministering to other people. In this case, it is better to give AND receive. You have to admit, God has a great economy!
I see marriages that are hanging on by a thread. The people are still together, but they aren’t really married, they just live in the same house. That is underwear on the outside. Here’s what I know. God hates divorce. “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.”(Malachi 2:16 The Message” But I alos know that God wants me to be happy and fulfilled in my life. So if that is the case, then God must be able to make me happy in my marriage. Makes sense to me. And I know it works, because it happened for Lanette and I.
So what about you? What parts of your life are in the wrong order, or out of place? We make New Year’s Resolutions this time of year. Some people are dieting, or have quit smoking, or any number of other things they want to accomplish. How about letting God put your spiritual life together being the number one priority for you this year? You just might be surprised to find that your underwear actually fits better on the inside!
Checking my outfit… Jerry
And why does Superman wear his undies outside of his tights? Maybe that was the style on Krypton. Somebody needed to clue him in that we don’t do things like that here. You ain’t in Krytpon no more… But I digress.
Steve’s potential underwear crisis had a point. He said that you could have everything together, but still in the wrong place. And he was right. Underwear under your clothes, good. Underwear outside your clothes; bad. Unless you are Madonna or Britney Spears, and that puts you in a different bad category all your own.
I started thinking about how many people do the right thing on the outside, but are wrong on the inside. They go to church, but it is merely to make an appearance. They know they should, so they do, but they don’t apply themselves to get anything out of it. And don’t use the excuse that the pastor or priest is boring. If you are bored every Sunday, first check your heart, then check the preacher. You may need an attitude check or your pastor may be boring, and not really able to meet your spiritual needs. If that is the case, find a place that will minister to you, and where you can minister. Church is a two way street. You go to church to have your spiritual needs met, but one of the ways you meet your spiritual needs is by ministering to other people. In this case, it is better to give AND receive. You have to admit, God has a great economy!
I see marriages that are hanging on by a thread. The people are still together, but they aren’t really married, they just live in the same house. That is underwear on the outside. Here’s what I know. God hates divorce. “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.”(Malachi 2:16 The Message” But I alos know that God wants me to be happy and fulfilled in my life. So if that is the case, then God must be able to make me happy in my marriage. Makes sense to me. And I know it works, because it happened for Lanette and I.
So what about you? What parts of your life are in the wrong order, or out of place? We make New Year’s Resolutions this time of year. Some people are dieting, or have quit smoking, or any number of other things they want to accomplish. How about letting God put your spiritual life together being the number one priority for you this year? You just might be surprised to find that your underwear actually fits better on the inside!
Checking my outfit… Jerry
A Pregnant Man?
In 1999 people were abuzz with the story of Lee Mingwie who was purported to be the world’s first pregnant man. If you go to his website, www.malepregnancy.com, you will find ultrasound pictures, links to the hospital and the genome company who helped accomplish this amazing feat. I guess something went wrong, though, because he has been carrying that baby for ten years and it still isn’t born. Some pregnancies are rougher than others, I guess.
If you haven’t guessed it by now, the site is a hoax, a piece of internet art by two men who are very talented and more than a little twisted. People believe the site is real and send emails either in support or opposition.
Maybe it was that site that encouraged Thomas Beatie to try to conceive a child. Only this time it wasn’t a hoax. Thomas even appeared on Oprah to show the truth. A man really is pregnant!
Well, not really a man. See, Thomas was born Tracy, who made it all the way to the Miss Teen Hawaii finals. Tracy felt that she was a man trapped in a woman’s body, so she had her breasts removed, starting taking male hormones and had her gender legally changed to “male.” Tracy became Thomas and began living as a man. The rub here is that Tracy, er, Thomas, kept her female parts. That allowed him, her, whatever, to be artificially inseminated by Nancy, Thomas’ partner.
“The Advocate” was the first to trumpet the news of a pregnant man, then the wire services picked it up, then Oprah got involved. A pregnant man, surely anything is possible now. Beatie told Oprah that he considers it a miracle.
Well, before any of you men get fitted for maternity clothes, let’s think this through. Thomas Beatie is not a man. She is a woman. A beard, flat chest and a name change do not make you a man. Understand, I am not casting off on this person’s lifestyle choice, although I think it is a little, okay, a lot, drastic. I just think it’s crazy to call Thomas a pregnant man, when she is clearly a woman with a beard. However, I have seen other women with facial hair, so maybe she isn’t really all that rare after all.
Abraham Lincoln used to ask people, “If you call a dog’s tail a leg, how many legs does a dog have?” Most people would answer five. Lincoln would correct them, saying “Only four, calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.” Same rule applies here. Calling Tracy Thomas doesn’t make her a pregnant man.
I see people all the time who try to rationalize their sins the same way. “My sin of (fill in your pet sin here) isn’t as bad as others, so it must be okay.” A few years ago the comedy troupe Isaac Airfreight used to do a routine about the “Amazing Ronco Bible.” The beauty of the Ronco Bible was that you could take any sin you wanted and turn it into a virtue. If you didn’t like a certain portion, you could just take it out. You tailored your Bible to your life instead of tailoring your life to the Bible.
It makes a great comedy skit, but not great for a life that is trying to please God. Sure there are things that God has asked of me that are tough, but I know they are for my own good. Sure, being good to people can be tough. Forgiveness is really hard, and I would just as soon live any way I like, but those things aren’t good for me or anybody else. I’ll stick with God’s way, he really does know best.
Not pregnant, just chubby… Jerry
If you haven’t guessed it by now, the site is a hoax, a piece of internet art by two men who are very talented and more than a little twisted. People believe the site is real and send emails either in support or opposition.
Maybe it was that site that encouraged Thomas Beatie to try to conceive a child. Only this time it wasn’t a hoax. Thomas even appeared on Oprah to show the truth. A man really is pregnant!
Well, not really a man. See, Thomas was born Tracy, who made it all the way to the Miss Teen Hawaii finals. Tracy felt that she was a man trapped in a woman’s body, so she had her breasts removed, starting taking male hormones and had her gender legally changed to “male.” Tracy became Thomas and began living as a man. The rub here is that Tracy, er, Thomas, kept her female parts. That allowed him, her, whatever, to be artificially inseminated by Nancy, Thomas’ partner.
“The Advocate” was the first to trumpet the news of a pregnant man, then the wire services picked it up, then Oprah got involved. A pregnant man, surely anything is possible now. Beatie told Oprah that he considers it a miracle.
Well, before any of you men get fitted for maternity clothes, let’s think this through. Thomas Beatie is not a man. She is a woman. A beard, flat chest and a name change do not make you a man. Understand, I am not casting off on this person’s lifestyle choice, although I think it is a little, okay, a lot, drastic. I just think it’s crazy to call Thomas a pregnant man, when she is clearly a woman with a beard. However, I have seen other women with facial hair, so maybe she isn’t really all that rare after all.
Abraham Lincoln used to ask people, “If you call a dog’s tail a leg, how many legs does a dog have?” Most people would answer five. Lincoln would correct them, saying “Only four, calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.” Same rule applies here. Calling Tracy Thomas doesn’t make her a pregnant man.
I see people all the time who try to rationalize their sins the same way. “My sin of (fill in your pet sin here) isn’t as bad as others, so it must be okay.” A few years ago the comedy troupe Isaac Airfreight used to do a routine about the “Amazing Ronco Bible.” The beauty of the Ronco Bible was that you could take any sin you wanted and turn it into a virtue. If you didn’t like a certain portion, you could just take it out. You tailored your Bible to your life instead of tailoring your life to the Bible.
It makes a great comedy skit, but not great for a life that is trying to please God. Sure there are things that God has asked of me that are tough, but I know they are for my own good. Sure, being good to people can be tough. Forgiveness is really hard, and I would just as soon live any way I like, but those things aren’t good for me or anybody else. I’ll stick with God’s way, he really does know best.
Not pregnant, just chubby… Jerry
Soren Pooping
I never thought that pooping would be considered cute. And, for most people, it probably isn’t. But my grandson, Soren, is not most people.
He groans and his whole body shakes, then grunts hard. All the while, his grandma and I laugh like hyenas on a bender. We make cooing noises and say things like, “You’re pooping aren’t you? What a cutie! He’s so cute.” And we mean it. He’s pooping, and we think it’s the cutest thing in the world! We really need to get out of the house more often…
Of course, Soren is six weeks old. I doubt very seriously that as he ages his pooping will continue to be such an event. In fact, once it starts to stink, I doubt that Lanette and I will laugh with such joy. We will probably be glad that Soren can go back to his mom and dad while we go on our merry way.
So why is pooping so cute? It isn’t, really. Soren is cute. He is our first grandbaby and we love him like crazy. Lanette and I were holding Soren and talking about how ga-ga we are over this little guy. She looked at him and said, “Yeah, and he hasn’t done anything to deserve it.” And she’s right. Soren doesn’t do anything exciting, really. He doesn’t really laugh. Oh, we say it is a laugh, but it is really gas and we know it. I mentioned on my Facebook page that I would like to be able to pass gas like Soren does. His whole body is involved and everybody thinks it’s cute. When I pass gas, nobody thinks it’s cute.
No, Soren hasn’t done anything to deserve our love and devotion. Yet, we offer it unconditionally and unwaveringly. We really would do anything we could for this kid. I would fight any man alive to protect him, and God help the guy who tried to hurt him. I may not be the strongest guy in the world, but I would surely be the most motivated.
As he gets older he will grow and more things will be expected of him. Sure, pooping in your diaper is cute at six weeks. At six years old, not so much. At sixteen, well, there’s a real problem.
One of the great things about the church I co-pastor, Remnant, is that we have so many people who are new to faith. They are learning and growing, and it is exciting. Now, as they grow, they make mistakes. It is a natural part of the growth process.
We are currently in the beginning of a series on sexuality called, “You Can’t Say That In Church.” The idea is that we can glorify God by our purity and the way we handle this touchy area of life.
As the church continues to grow in size and in spiritual depth, Jeremiah and I will expect the people who attend Remnant to grow in this area and others. If you fail, you can take care of that, it’s part of growth. If you continue to fail in the same area, something is wrong with the way you are handling yourself.
I know people who have been in church for twenty years. They don’t have twenty years of experience, they have one year’s experience twenty times. They continually make the same mistakes in their lives because they refuse to give God the place in their lives he really desires.
Soren will continue to grow, and his Grandpa Godsey will continue to think he is the cutest kid in the world. And just like God’s love for us, Soren didn’t do a thing to deserve it, it is freely given.
Excited about watching Soren and Remnant grow… Jerry
He groans and his whole body shakes, then grunts hard. All the while, his grandma and I laugh like hyenas on a bender. We make cooing noises and say things like, “You’re pooping aren’t you? What a cutie! He’s so cute.” And we mean it. He’s pooping, and we think it’s the cutest thing in the world! We really need to get out of the house more often…
Of course, Soren is six weeks old. I doubt very seriously that as he ages his pooping will continue to be such an event. In fact, once it starts to stink, I doubt that Lanette and I will laugh with such joy. We will probably be glad that Soren can go back to his mom and dad while we go on our merry way.
So why is pooping so cute? It isn’t, really. Soren is cute. He is our first grandbaby and we love him like crazy. Lanette and I were holding Soren and talking about how ga-ga we are over this little guy. She looked at him and said, “Yeah, and he hasn’t done anything to deserve it.” And she’s right. Soren doesn’t do anything exciting, really. He doesn’t really laugh. Oh, we say it is a laugh, but it is really gas and we know it. I mentioned on my Facebook page that I would like to be able to pass gas like Soren does. His whole body is involved and everybody thinks it’s cute. When I pass gas, nobody thinks it’s cute.
No, Soren hasn’t done anything to deserve our love and devotion. Yet, we offer it unconditionally and unwaveringly. We really would do anything we could for this kid. I would fight any man alive to protect him, and God help the guy who tried to hurt him. I may not be the strongest guy in the world, but I would surely be the most motivated.
As he gets older he will grow and more things will be expected of him. Sure, pooping in your diaper is cute at six weeks. At six years old, not so much. At sixteen, well, there’s a real problem.
One of the great things about the church I co-pastor, Remnant, is that we have so many people who are new to faith. They are learning and growing, and it is exciting. Now, as they grow, they make mistakes. It is a natural part of the growth process.
We are currently in the beginning of a series on sexuality called, “You Can’t Say That In Church.” The idea is that we can glorify God by our purity and the way we handle this touchy area of life.
As the church continues to grow in size and in spiritual depth, Jeremiah and I will expect the people who attend Remnant to grow in this area and others. If you fail, you can take care of that, it’s part of growth. If you continue to fail in the same area, something is wrong with the way you are handling yourself.
I know people who have been in church for twenty years. They don’t have twenty years of experience, they have one year’s experience twenty times. They continually make the same mistakes in their lives because they refuse to give God the place in their lives he really desires.
Soren will continue to grow, and his Grandpa Godsey will continue to think he is the cutest kid in the world. And just like God’s love for us, Soren didn’t do a thing to deserve it, it is freely given.
Excited about watching Soren and Remnant grow… Jerry
Skunks In The Cellar
A lady was having trouble with a skunk in her cellar, so she called the police station and asked for help. They recommended that she make a trail of bread crumbs from the steps of the basement to the back of her yard, and wait for the skunk to follow it out. The next day she called the police station again, and said, "I did what you told me to do...and now I have two skunks in my basement."
Do you ever feel like your problems multiply? I hear people who are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. I talk to people are burdened down by their fears. They are having financial issues, their relationships are in trouble, they are afraid of what the future will bring. It all multiplies and adds up to a burden that weighs them down and keeps them from having the life they should have.
Jesus understood that we would have times like this, he said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)
Jesus promises us some pretty cool things here. First of all, he says that he will give us rest. The Greek word for rest is “anapausin,” literally a vacation or second wind. If we will just give Jesus our burdens he will give us a rest, a chance to overcome the issues and pains of our lives.
Secondly, he says his yoke is easy and his burden is light. Today, with all of our modern farming machinery, this may not make much sense. The crowd Jesus was talking to understood it right away. In the first century, oxen were strapped into a yoke and used to mill grain. The yoke would span between two oxen, tying them together. So whenever a young ox needed to be trained he would be attached to the yoke of an older ox. The older ox would pull the yoke and the younger ox would follow in his footsteps and learn the steps, even though he wasn't actually pulling any of the load.
This illustrates the Christian life. Jesus is saying, "When you walk with me, I pull the load so that you don't have to. Let me do the hard work." Jesus will pull the load, all we have to do is follow him.
With those promises, why would we continue to struggle and do things on our own? I think it is because all of this comes at a price. The very beginning of the verse says, “Come to me…” It may sound simplistic, but God can’t work in your life if you won’t come to him. When we come to him, we bring everything we have and lay it at his feet—our sin, our guilt, our shame, our problems, our burdens, our fears, our doubts, our dreams, our goals, our ambitions—everything. And we give it all to him. This is how to enter the Christian life, and it is how to maintain the Christian life.
Being a Christian isn’t just about heaven and hell. It’s not even mostly about that. It is about making a life that is full and happy and fulfilling. It is a about a life that is able to overcome the problems and setbacks, not succumb to them. That is what Jesus promises, all we have to do is come to him and let him take our burdens and cares.
Trying to get the skunks out of my cellar… Jerry
Do you ever feel like your problems multiply? I hear people who are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. I talk to people are burdened down by their fears. They are having financial issues, their relationships are in trouble, they are afraid of what the future will bring. It all multiplies and adds up to a burden that weighs them down and keeps them from having the life they should have.
Jesus understood that we would have times like this, he said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)
Jesus promises us some pretty cool things here. First of all, he says that he will give us rest. The Greek word for rest is “anapausin,” literally a vacation or second wind. If we will just give Jesus our burdens he will give us a rest, a chance to overcome the issues and pains of our lives.
Secondly, he says his yoke is easy and his burden is light. Today, with all of our modern farming machinery, this may not make much sense. The crowd Jesus was talking to understood it right away. In the first century, oxen were strapped into a yoke and used to mill grain. The yoke would span between two oxen, tying them together. So whenever a young ox needed to be trained he would be attached to the yoke of an older ox. The older ox would pull the yoke and the younger ox would follow in his footsteps and learn the steps, even though he wasn't actually pulling any of the load.
This illustrates the Christian life. Jesus is saying, "When you walk with me, I pull the load so that you don't have to. Let me do the hard work." Jesus will pull the load, all we have to do is follow him.
With those promises, why would we continue to struggle and do things on our own? I think it is because all of this comes at a price. The very beginning of the verse says, “Come to me…” It may sound simplistic, but God can’t work in your life if you won’t come to him. When we come to him, we bring everything we have and lay it at his feet—our sin, our guilt, our shame, our problems, our burdens, our fears, our doubts, our dreams, our goals, our ambitions—everything. And we give it all to him. This is how to enter the Christian life, and it is how to maintain the Christian life.
Being a Christian isn’t just about heaven and hell. It’s not even mostly about that. It is about making a life that is full and happy and fulfilling. It is a about a life that is able to overcome the problems and setbacks, not succumb to them. That is what Jesus promises, all we have to do is come to him and let him take our burdens and cares.
Trying to get the skunks out of my cellar… Jerry
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